Love Sometimes Hurts but Love Always Heals

I always thought of love as something that felt good but sometimes love requires sacrifice and pain. Below I share our journey as a Safe Family with one little girl and her family. Her parent's love for her required them to find a family who would care for her because they could not. Their act of love is proof that sometimes love hurts but in the end, love is the balm that heals our wounds.

On the First Day: As I drove to the Safe Families for Children office, I prayed. I was nervous to meet the child who would be placed in our care. Her father would be there. Her mother was dealing with a medical emergency and could not be there. I dreaded the moment the father would have to say goodbye to his little girl. Although participating in Safe Families is voluntary for parents, it is still so painful to turn your child over to a stranger. These are families in crisis. Most are facing homelessness. They entrust their child to a “Safe Family” while they work to get back on their feet and can later be reunited with their child.

After meeting the young father and visiting for a while, he and I exchanged numbers so we could remain in contact. This is an important aspect of Safe Families and is encouraged to keep the parent/child bond. The father tried to gather his thoughts the best he could to tell me all of the foods his daughter liked, her bedtime routine, etc. It was a solemn moment. How can a father in this situation even think clearly enough to share every detail about his child in such a short time? Then, he slowly walked over to his tiny daughter who sat perched upon a chair coloring. He bowed down gently, gave her a hug and told her that he loved her. As he walked toward me, I stopped him and asked him if I could give him a hug. We hugged and my last words to him were, “I promise to take good care of your little girl.”

Tender Moments: The first night I was getting the toddler ready for her bath. She gently touched my face and said, “You’re pretty.”

I said, "Thank you” and told her, “You’re pretty.”

There was another moment that stands out. I was changing her pamper and I said to her, “I love you” and she replied, “I know.” It brought me great comfort to know that she felt loved in our home.

I was so grateful for all of the family and friends who came to visit during her stay. They brought clothes and toys for this child who has so little. Some brought their children to play with her. One friend, upon hearing that the little girl liked to build things, immediately hopped in her car with her two children and drove 30 minutes to bring building toys and other toys for this child.

There were calls and texts from so many people encouraging us and letting us know they were praying for the little girl, for her family and for us. This gave us strength and hope because many days were hard.

Challenges Faced: There were the obvious challenges like not knowing exactly how this child was accustomed to being put to sleep or how she liked her food prepared. The father tried his best to give me information, but it’s so hard to cover all of the bases. One morning, I remember taking her to the grocery store. She sat in the shopping cart and I was hoping that as she rode past certain items, I would notice a reaction indicating to me that she liked something. There were many times, I prepared something for her, and it just sat there untouched. It was all trial and error.

The biggest challenge was this child’s yearning to see her parents. How do you explain to a child this young why she is with us and away from her parents? At the beginning, she would ask for her parents and I would reassure her that they loved her and she would see them soon but as the days wore on, she became more desperate, more frustrated and more saddened.

One night she woke up in the middle of the night crying uncontrollably. I held her in my arms and tried every soothing technique that I knew to comfort her. Nothing worked. Then I prayed, “God, let this child feel your love and your care through me.” Within minutes, she calmed down and slept until the morning.

Lessons Learned: One of the biggest lessons I learned was actually as a parent to our 8-year-old daughter. I realized that we are doing a great disservice to her by giving her everything she wants. This young child who has so little was one of the most compassionate, well-behaved, grateful and responsible child to ever walk through our door. Perhaps her situation contributes to this. The “lack of” creates a richness in these children. The abundance in our children’s lives seems to create a poverty in many of them. Many of our children lack compassion and appreciation.

There were many moments when I saw my daughter extend kindness to this child. Helping her down from the slide, laughing together and simply providing comfort when she felt sad.

During the little girl’s stay with us, I saw strength and tenderness in my husband to a degree I had never witnessed in him before.

As for me, I found a calm within that I never knew I had. I also didn’t realize that my faith was as strong as it is. Before becoming a “Safe Family,” this verse was put in my heart…“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives Me.” Mark 9:37

I can tell you with certainty and confidence that I felt God’s presence with me during the child’s entire stay. I could feel His presence in the joyful times and in the challenging times giving me strength. God is faithful and when He calls you to do something, He remains by your side to help you through.

On the Last Day: We had made arrangements to return the little girl to her family. On the morning we were set to drive her, I began to pack a bag for her. Everything I packed had a story behind it. Whether it was something one of my friends had brought to her or something one of my relatives had bought for her. The little hair bow that was once my daughters was packed for her too; I remembered the day the little girl saw herself in the mirror wearing it and said, “I’m pretty.” Each item conveyed love in some way.

We drove toward the place the family had moved to. As we drove into the run-down complex, a world away from our comfortable suburban neighborhood, I felt a sense of sadness for this child because of the impoverished surroundings she would now live in.

The whole way there, I told the little girl she would see her mom. We parked and I carried her toward the door. As we moved closer to the door, she looked over at me, her soft curls brushing against her sweet face and she asked, “Am I going to see my mommy?”

I knocked on the door and the mother pushed aside the curtain to peer out. We immediately locked eyes. The door swung open and the little girl leapt into her mother’s arms. They hugged for a long time and I stood there knowing at that very moment that it was all worth it. That even though we offered her toys, ample room to run, new clothes and pretty hair bows…this is where she belonged…in her mother’s arms. Our work was done.

I was worried walking into that impoverished setting that I would feel great sadness, but instead, I felt love in that space and peace within. Her brother ran to her and they quickly began to play. They seemed to have picked up where they had left off. The mother and I embraced. She thanked me for taking care of her little girl. I felt so connected to this woman I had just met. God crossed our paths. Two women from completely different backgrounds, standing in this small room embracing. The love for one child and the love of God ever so present.

To learn more about Safe Families for Children, visit https://safe-families.org/

NOTE: Safe Families for Children encourages continued contact after placement is complete between the Safe Family and the biological family. I am happy to share that the child's mother and I have communicated every day since she was returned home and we hope to stay in each other's lives.